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Stuff Today - Issue 9400

Wednesday 22 April 2026

St. Brenda's Day - patron saint of kitchen utensils

Today's Pipe: Corncob

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

HUMBY, n.

An erection which won't go down when a gentleman has to go for a pee in the middle of making love to someone.

The Devil's Dictionary

LONGEVITY, n.

Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

Roger's Profanisaurus

RIDE THE PORCELAIN BUS, v.

To have the squits.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

Cashew nuts contain oil in the shell that is very irritating to the skin

Poem Of The Day

Printer Friendly Version

Hey printer! Gosh, you're really nice,
I love the way you print,
The sharpness of your images,
The colours, hues and tints.
The photos of my holiday
Are pleasing to my eye,
No crappy jagged edges
At twelve hundred dpi.
 
Yo printer! Wow, you're so superb!
You print with awesome clarity.
I say these words sincerely
And not just out of charity.
For Christmas Day I do not want
A pear tree full of partridges;
Instead I would prefer my stocking
Filled with colour cartridges.
 
Wow printer! Oo, you're truly great,
You make me feel on fire. Oh,
Printing stuff is way more fun
Than writing with my biro,
And when I am not with you
Then I've only gone a away for
Half an hour to buy you lots
More clean white sheets of A4.

- Mike Stools (b. 1962)

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